When I was younger, I had a Commodore 64, which as we all know, is the greatest computer in living memory (bar none!) and as we weren’t well off, I only really got new games on special occasions such as Christmas or birthdays so I had to be really careful about how I chose these as they were few and far between and not disposable like games nowadays.
I relied on the C64 magazine ZZap64 which I got religiously each month and read the reviews, the cheats and everything else.
It was reading ZZap64 one month when I read a letter from a C64 geek about how they had bought a game called Questprobe featuring Spiderman which was a text based adventure and they were completely stuck as soon as they loaded it up and could not make any progress whatsoever. Always curious, I decided that I would get this game for my birthday, not actually realising what a godawful piece of software it was.
As you can see from the screenshots, this was a text based adventure, right when I had a new joystick too which had really suffered playing Daley Thompsons Decathlon for many hours. So the aim of the game wasn’t clear but you were Spider man and you had to type directions (North, South, East and West) into the grey keyboard and Spiderman would move in that direction. Inevitably there would be a bad guy in the next room who would kill you unless you left immediately.
I tried everything to continue further in this game, spending hundreds of hours typing in fruitless commands to no avail, nothing seemed to work. I remember once finding myself on the side of the building in a new location but I couldn’t remember what I’d typed to get there and no amount of commands would recreate that.
So as an adult, I thought it would be a good idea to see if I could do better with my adult brain and probably a lot less patience. So I’m gonna fire it up and see how we go on.
I’m using an emulator to play it (find it here) and as such it doesn’t mimic the amazing graphics of the Commodore version,.
Okay so not sure why I’m starting in a corridor, maybe I was drugged or something but I can see a sign so I’m gonna read it.
READ SIGN
The reply is “To prove yourself worthy of these powers you must show you can supply the brainpower! You must collect all the *Gems & store them properly away! Good Luck – Chief Examiner”
Erm, right so I’ve got to look for gems and store them to prove I’m worthy. Sounds like the worst plot for a game I’ve ever heard of but lets go. Obviously we’re gonna start with
NORTH
Okay so that gives me the same image as above but if I
LOOK
it says I’m in a hall with shoddy threadbare carpeting on the floor. I see exits to the North, East, South and West.
NORTH
“I’m in a small deserted office. It looks to have been abandoned & all office furniture was removed. There’s a small window out of which I see the sky and I see here MADAME WEB. I see an exit south.”
Hmm so we see an abandoned office and a small window with the sky then We notice a Big mad spider lady in the room. Should we talk to her?
TALK TO MADAME WEB
“Ask me to scan! For example SCAN LIZARD – Says MADAME WEB!”
SCAN LIZARD
OK CAC03+HCL->CaCL2+… says Madame Web
(I think Madame Web is on drugs or is a keen scientist – possibly both).
Right, lets try something else.
SOUTH
EAST
Right, so we’ve got the same abandoned office but this time a watery villain called HYDRO-MAN and a fishtank. lets try talking to the fish smelling rascal.
TALK HYDRO-MAN
“You’ll never get MY gem!” he says. The capitalisation through all the speech is truly breathtaking.
I try multiple things here but none of them work.
TAKE GEM
Sorry, I don’t see it here
LOOK AQUARIUM
there is a gem in the water
TAKE GEM
Sorry, I don’t see it here
TAKE GEM FROM AQUARIUM
Sorry, I can’t, HYDRO-MAN won’t let me
And then amount of smashing the aquarium, killing (or seducing) hydro-man will let me get that bloody gem. Right, the answer must be elsewhere.
WEST
WEST
There’s nothing in this one, another abandoned room with a window but no arachnid women or fishy fellas so maybe we’ll chill out here for a bit. Hmmm. That window is a bit bigger than the others though, perhaps we can get out of it? Shall we have a go? YES WE SHALL
EXIT WINDOW
JUMP OUT OF WINDOW
SMASH WINDOW
EAT WINDOW
Seriously nothing is working here, that window must be toughened safety glass. sigh.
Right, I’m giving this up for a bad job but I will start again with fresh eyes tomorrow.
