Mingo

I am a big fan of wet look leggings

All articles by Mingo

 

Home Schooling – Day 1

Home schooling the little Mingos started well, after a hearty breakfast of Coco Pops and Rice Krispies, the little darlings decided to have a PE lesson. Unfortunately this started unsupervised and bouncing on the trampoline whilst the eldest threw footballs at them resulted in 2 of them crying and one sprained wrist. I’ve since decided to remove ‘super bounce deathball’ off the curriculum for the time being. It was then time to bring them inside for some schoolwork. This mainly involved colouring for the little ones and some maths for the eldest which to be honest was impossibly hard and
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Home Schooling Preperation

It is with great trepidation that I write this. From tomorrow, the wife and I will be home schooling our four children as well as trying to hold down full time jobs ourselves. We have gone about this in separate ways really, her with blind panic and me with hilarity and nonsense. The whiteboard is out and she has scheduled schooling based around our work meetings etc but its not clear how we are going to school four kids aged from 12 to 3. “13 minutes scheduled for Tarquins Falafel ciabatta before his latin test and a short clarinet rehearsal
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Christmas Icons in the Developing Americas.

Introduction With Santa Claus being the figurehead for the whole festive period in the modern, developed and utterly commercial countries, we decided to take a look at some of the poorer countries in South America to see if their beliefs in Father Christmas have any relation to the GDP of the country or even academic success. Columbia, Peru, Bolivia and Venezuela all have different icons for Christmas with locals in different areas telling their children about Santa Claus, the three wise man, El Niño (the little baby Jesus) or even a big serpent god who delivers gifts. if we take
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A Love Story About Otters

This is a story set in the countryside of Fife,About two little otters, both man and wife. Harry was the male who had been paired, Despite the fact he was speech impaired. He spoke with a lisp, he couldn’t say R’s, But this didn’t stop him, he reached for the stars. His wife’s name was Rudy, she was a bit of a wimp, She’d been born with 3 legs so walked with a limp. But despite their deformities, hand in glove, The couple were very much deep in love. They feasted on dormice, loaded their bellies, Never agreed on TV
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Taxi Etiquette

The driver who picked me up had the heating on full blast and also stunk very badly of BO to the point that I wanted to stop breathing. I wound the window down for some fresh air and he immediately pressed the button to close it. What’s that about? I keep opening it and he keeps closing it without saying a word. Now I am sat here with it full down and my finger depressed on the down button to stop him closing it but we’re on the motorway and I’m getting blown all over the shop. What’s the correct
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Health and Safety Risk Assesment

I was asked to fill out a very long form for Health and Safety and fire reasons. It goes into great detail about how a person in my office with impairements (?!) would be treated if there was a fire or need for evacuation. The thing is about 50 pages long as I am the only person in my office, I literally could not justify the time it would take to fill it all in. What I could justify though is spending most of the morning drawing pictures of horses on the risk assesment instead.
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Things I can See in Ljubljana Airport

I am currently sat in an airport in Slovenia and I am bored therefore here are some of the things I can currently see from my seat just outside the ladies lavatory. A man with a wooly hat which is literally sitting on top of his head. It’s delicately balanced by the look of it, I will try to get a picture but he looks a big lad and a bit handy so I have to be careful. A 90 year old Des Lyman doing a crossword A woman walking sideways for some reason. I like to think it’s because
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Mingo Attempts Dry January

why oh why did I agree to dry January? I didn’t realise it would be this difficult. I drink far too much and therefore thought cutting back would be wise but it is quite the opposite. People said I would feel better, have more energy, sleep better and be more motivated for things like the gym and going dogging and stuff but to be honest, it’s had the opposite effect on me; it makes me want to murder people. A lot. Dry January Day 3 I have an acheing in my legs that I cannot seem to identify, its almost
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Sausage Dinner


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Working in a Shared Office – Day 2

<< Day 1 I feel bad but I think Irene has been fired, not too bad though as her replacement is about twenty five and a huge fan of short skirts and tight tops. A lot of makeup though; If you were to pull that, it would cost you a fortune in Vanish Stain Remover on your pillow case. I’d hate to see what was under that slap but to be fair, its a step up from Irene who looked knackered and probably needed a rest. I now have colleagues in the office although they’re not here very much. They
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Working in a Shared Office – Day 1

Today was the first day in my new office. It was a shared office and supposedly there was me and 5 other people but when I arrived this morning, its was only me. It started badly.
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2015 / 2016 Film Spoilers

Everest Some lads go up a big hill. It’s pretty cold and some of the lads die.  Straight Outta Compton Loads of black lads with cool hair swear a lot to music. One gets ripped off and one gets aids. Amy Bird discovers jazz but then discovers drugs and drugs are better.
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Ways to Kill Peppa Pig

The little Sheffields are obsessed with this bloody cartoon pig, I can only dream of ways of ending her! BBQ, I can almost smell that flame grilled pork (although make sure she takes those golden boots off, that burning rubber will ruin the taste) Get Daddy Pig to sit on her; the fat piggy bastard Push her in the duck pond and hold her under Train those ducks to attack pigs Goad Winston Wolf back into his feral ways until he grips her little piggy neck with his razor sharp incisors and shakes her to bits. Pulled pork anyone? Kick
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Drugs.


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Ezra Pound

Here lies the body of Ezra Pound, Lost at sea and never found.
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Which Political Party Shall I Vote For?

Its coming up to the general election in the UK (May) and as a grown man with all his faculties (kind of), I get a vote but I’m pondering who to vote for so i thought I would summarise with my own analysis of the political parties in the mix. Which political party should I vote for?
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The Sad Truth About My Life

I swear they took my quote out of context, I only did it the once. Journalist bastards !
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Seasons Greetings

This is my Christmas Card this year. Seasons Greetings but Dave is a prick. I did want a Christmas card which I could send to everyone to show my complete indifference at life but there wasn’t anything plain enough; they are all too jolly or full of hope, love and faith in fellow man. As I live in a cupboard and am only let out for toilet, I do not feel these things. This was the most miserable Christmas card I could find.
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New job for Mingo – Ideas Needed

Postman I’ll admit, I used to think I was good at early mornings but the more I age, the more I drink and the more I drink, the more depressing the mornings are for me. As well as the early mornings, there are dogs to contend with. I’m not an animal person but I particularly hate small vicious dogs that bark at you, the big dogs are okay as they’re big dogs and you know they would rip you to bits but I have trouble with the smaller dogs as I reckon I could take them and they’re punching well
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Mingo’s Escape

After my successful escape, I’ve decided I’m going to hitchhike to the airport as its safer for me to be out of the country. Although Frances drives like she cannot see 4 metres in front of her, she eerily see’s it all. So far, no-one has stopped apart from one guy who had a load of pasties in the passenger seat and insisted I sit on his lap. I declined. I have stolen a bag from the bookshop and I have filled it full of tins of tuna, some snack a jacks and a whistle. This is essentially my escape
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Independent Bookshop Review

Please check out our independent bookshop review for Manchester below. Sale Antiquarian Book Shop This dusty old shop down a sodden back alley in Sale has a lot of character and also some rising damp. There are a wide variety of old, unusual and rare books, many of them curiously sticky and most of them smelling like the inside of a wheely bin full of cats. It took us three visits to actually get into the bookshop to review it as Reg, the aging owner is almost completely deaf and keeps forgetting to unlock the door each morning. There are
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The Neighbours

Everybody needs good neighbours My new house (Mingo Towers) has a rather strange set of neighbours. I noticed something amiss when I moved in and noticed there was an ashtray screwed to the wall; the kind you see outside pubs. I thought nothing more of it until a few days later and I met them – I had a steam mop delivered next door and one of them brought it round for me. Oh good lord. The house is an assisted living house which means care workers are there 24/7 to care for the occupants, most of whom have learning
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No Time to Explain

No time to explain…
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The Trouble With RyanAir

I recently had to go to Ireland recently and as I was in a rush, I made the mistake of not specifying the airline to book with. Unfortunately for Mingo, the travel company booked me onto 2 Ryan Air flights and it was possibly the worst travel experience of my life. Now I’m no snob and have travelled on an awful lot of airlines; some budget and some not budget (are their any others?) and I can say without question that RyanAir is possibly the worst airline I have ever travelled with. Here is why Mingo is not happy today:
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Online Dating Pitfalls

I recently woke up in some bushes in Swindon and on the newpaper I’d used as a blanket, I read the following paper about Benefits scrounger White Dee looking for love online. This got me thinking about all those poor hapless bastards who might end up on a date with someone like White Dee who; lets be honest; would frighten a police horse.Here’s the Mingo Sheffield Guide to what to look out for when online dating and some common online dating pitfalls.   Bubbly   Bubbly This is white Dee. Bubbly gives you a sense that they’d be the life
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How to pronounce Châteauneuf-du-Pape

This is essential for tonight when you’re taking your betrophed out and want to look classy. Châteauneuf-du-Pape.
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Interflora you robbing bastards

I don’t even like flowers! Interflora you robbing bastards! £60 for a bunch of flowers in a vase and a box of chocolates? I feel like I’ve been robbed. Have you increased your prices as you know useless blokes (like me) will have forgotten to buy anything and are using you as a last ditch attempt to get something semi decent for Valentines day? Seriously – its a bunch of flowers, they’ll be dead Tuesday week. Its a big price to pay for a smile on Mrs. Mingo’s face. At least it won’t be as bad as last year when
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All Systems Go

It been a long time coming. This site has been on my to do list since I was 19 and I am now nearly 80. I decided to collate my thoughts into one central location so that any obituary writers can find information on the Great Mingo Sheffield in one place and not have to trawl over the Internet where much of the facts about me are incorrect (I never pushed her)! Read on for some more general nonsensical and whimsical posts that will either make your blood boil or will make you laugh until you’re sick out of your
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