Useless Ryan Air Tarts

The Trouble With RyanAir

I recently had to go to Ireland recently and as I was in a rush, I made the mistake of not specifying the airline to book with. Unfortunately for Mingo, the travel company booked me onto 2 Ryan Air flights and it was possibly the worst travel experience of my life. Now I’m no snob and have travelled on an awful lot of airlines; some budget and some not budget (are their any others?) and I can say without question that RyanAir is possibly the worst airline I have ever travelled with. Here is why Mingo is not happy today:

Sitting in Crisps

Sitting in Crisps

Sitting in Crisps

Why make me wait 40 minutes in the unheated lounge whilst you “clean the plane” when in reality you didn’t clean the plane. Look at this. I’m literally sitting in crisps. Why am I sitting in crisps? There’s not even been an attempt to kick the crisps under the chair in front. This shows either a massive incompetency in RyanAir cleaning staff or just laziness.

RyanAir Landing FanFare

When you land and are taxi-ing on the tarmac, you here this. This is very annoying as you’re blatantly late and no-one wants to hear this. What makes it sometimes even more annoying is when people clap. For Fucks Sake – they’ve only gone 40 minutes across the Irish sea. There’s no traffic up there, you wouldn’t expect them to ever be late – why are you clapping? I’ve instructed everyone in my office that I expect applause for just doing my job as well. I expect a cacophony of cheers when I send an email and want spontaneous chanting when I use a spellchecker. Jesus…

RyanAir Luxury Seats

RyanAir Luxury Seats

Seats Designed for Hobbits

Unless you are a fictional, hairy footed dwarf; it is unlikely you can sit comfortably in a Ryan Air seat. On the outbound flight I had a row to myself and the bastards have even locked the armrests down so you cannot even move your legs to the side slightly. You cannot sit without bending your legs into some painful yoga move with 99% of us should not be attempting. Now I am quite tall but not massive, I’m 6 foot but to be honest my six year old son would struggle for leg room in these seats. Also, I always seem to get the aisle seat and those tarts with their trolleys… which leads me nicely to

Mental Air Hostesses

I have nothing against air hostesses; I have friends who are air hostesses and so I know its a thankless and often mundane job to basically wait on 200 moaning people a couple of miles up in the air whilst travelling a few hundred miles an hour. BUT….Ryan Air being a budget airline obviously has to be wary of its costs and so it seems to be employing some right nutcases. The one woman on my flight using the tannoy sounded a cross between Welsh, Yorkshire and Polish. For the first 20 minutes of the safety demonstration, I thought she was taking the piss for a bet but no – it seems that’s her actual voice and accent, she’s not putting it on. No-one could really make out what she was saying and the few that did were straining to make any sense of it. It sounded something like this:

If yous would leek to peerchuss some guuuds froom the cetalooog then pleeese to be catzing ours eyes when wee work throw the cabeeen

What does that even mean? Mentalists