This is a story set in the countryside of Fife,About two little otters, both man and wife.
Harry was the male who had been paired,
Despite the fact he was speech impaired.
He spoke with a lisp, he couldn’t say R’s,
But this didn’t stop him, he reached for the stars.
His wife’s name was Rudy, she was a bit of a wimp,
She’d been born with 3 legs so walked with a limp.
But despite their deformities, hand in glove,
The couple were very much deep in love.
They feasted on dormice, loaded their bellies,
Never agreed on TV so had separate tellies.
They frolicked and played, ran and laughed,
And occasionally feeling racy, together they bathed.
Then one afternoon, whilst baking soufflé,
From out of nowhere came a bird of prey.
It swooped down low, with a menacing glance,
With only 3 legs, Rudy stood no chance.
The hawk carried her off, up to its nest,
He’d soon be tucking into a nice otter breast.
Harry was furious, he’d taken a whack,
“That fucking hawk, I’ll break its back!”
So off he scuttled to the tree with the nest,
And started to climb, he was trying his best.
Higher and higher, it’s not good for your health,
As Harry thought he would shit himself.
He got to the nest and he started to rant,
Pwease weturn my Wudy you c.c.c..CANT!
The hawk was aghast, not believing his luck,
As Harry ranted he was a sitting duck.
There’s no preparation in making Otter soup,
The hawk gobbled up harry in one easy swoop.
Then belly swelling and feeling a bit sore,
The hawk threw poor Rudy down to the floor.
As Rudy got up, she was completely outspoken,
As another of her legs had been cruelly broken,
She dragged herself of as best she could,
Leaving a horrible smear of her blood.
So the moral of this story, let me tell you,
Is that 3 legs is definitely better than two.
And if someone tries to kidnap your wife,
Just fuck’n let them and get on with your life !