I’ll admit, I used to think I was good at early mornings but the more I age, the more I drink and the more I drink, the more depressing the mornings are for me. As well as the early mornings, there are dogs to contend with. I’m not an animal person but I particularly hate small vicious dogs that bark at you, the big dogs are okay as they’re big dogs and you know they would rip you to bits but I have trouble with the smaller dogs as I reckon I could take them and they’re punching well above their weight by having a go at me. I would be too tempted to kick one. Hmm, it sounds like a nice idea but early mornings, vicious little dogs and a complete lack of any sense of direction probably rules me out of becoming a postman.
I thought about this and it sounds great on the surface. You get a lollipop stick, a hat and you get to cross the road loads. Your holidays are the same as teachers (which means you get 240 days off a year) and your working hours are 8am until 9.30am and 3pm until 4.30pm; that’s the grand total of 3 hours a day. That would suit me to a tea.
Actually just done a bit of research here and it seems they only make about £2000 a year, this wouldn’t keep me in Um Bungo for long, I guess I’ll have to keep looking as unfortunately I am addicted to Um Bungo and go through about £300 worth a day.
I’m not a great man for heights therefore not sure if it would be wise of me to take on this profession but I recently watched confessions of a window cleaner and it looked pretty awesome (although a bit dated). Although the main character in the film got up to all kinds of hi jinx, most of the women in my neighbourhood have more fingers than teeth, (some are rumoured to have given rabies to squirrels) therefore its not that appealing. I did see a Job advertised in the Stretford and Urmston Messenger as a ringer outer for a one handed window cleaner but there were four interviews and a test and I couldn’t get up early enough as I’d eaten fourteen crumpets the night before. Next time though